Hello again. I am not even going to look up how long it’s been since I last blogged. I know it’s been long enough that I feared possibly forgetting how to blog. Then I remembered it’s really just typing.
(I signed up for typing class in high school sort of on a whim. I must say it was a solid choice and has probably saved me entire days of my life over the course of my career. When I was in high school we used actual typewriters, some of which didn’t even have to plug into a wall. I guess they were wireless communication devices in their own charming way).
So I haven’t been blogging much lately, which worried me a little for a while, but then I remembered that only about five people check my blog regularly and they’re smart enough to learn that they only need to check it every couple of weeks.
Today I have a thought to share about Valentine’s Day, or as it’s known around these parts, the holiday preceded by a week of awkward sideways glances cast by the dozens of male engineers in my building who try to pretend they don’t see each other during their lunch hour while they shuffle around like cattle in the holiday aisle at the Wal-Mart adjacent to our campus. Their facial expressions reveal a sense of shame at being seen shopping for their dearest ones’ gifts at a humble Wal-Mart, but they soldier on because the Wal-Mart is so conveniently located and so doggone cost-effective that the pros of the efficiency outweigh the cons of the awkwardness. It’s really just not a pretty sight.
Or so I’ve heard.
As part of today’s Valentine theme I will avoid the blogger tradition of singing the praises of my own personal Valentine. (How much do I love her? I love her so much that I will spare her the indignity of being written about by me).
So right now I’m thinking of how I can get rich off of Valentine’s Day without leaving my office or quitting my day job. What with our sluggish economy I figure it’s the least I can do for America. My idea is to provide a vital service that benefits all my co-workers and potentially allows them to escape the horrifying awkwardness of standing in a Wal-Mart checkout line with their boss while holding a $3.95 aluminum foil-wrapped heart-shaped box of institutional-grade chocolate.
My idea is to have about 500 bulk-discounted roses delivered to my small office every year on about February 7th. According to my field observation in the Wal-Mart, a good 90% of my co-workers make their Valentine purchases sometime after the 7th. I could apply a huge mark-up because engineers (trust me) would place a very high value on not having to face each other at the Wal-Mart every year. Within five years, I bet I could build up a loyal clientele of 30 or so guys who would come to depend on me for all their Valentine’s Day fare. I could stock Valentine’s cards for them also, because I’d only need to pick out one sentimental but not overly mushy card each year and buy 30 of that same card because I’m pretty sure Kentucky law ensures that each of these husbands would be taking the card home to a different wife. Besides, when was the last time you saw two women compare the cards their husbands gave them (especially when they can tell they came from Wal-Mart)?
I think this is pretty much a foolproof idea.
(Oh, and of course I’d need to offer some sort of chocolate supply, but I’ve already got that figured out. I’m going to form a strategic alliance with all the Girl Scout Cookie people in my office).