I had a birthday over the weekend.  It was a low-key affair devoid of pomp and circumstance.  I’m not big on circumstance and rarely countenance pomp.  For my gift I picked out a fire pit at Lowe’s that should let me light things on fire in my backyard without my neighbor calling the fire department on me.  I just re-read the previous sentence and am compelled to clarify that I am not thirteen.

During this birthday weekend I was putting gas in my car and noticed a neat motor scooter up by the entrance to the gas station.  I have always loved motor scooters.  I think they intrigue me more than actual motorcycles because I know I’ll never be bold enough to buy a true road motorcycle for fear of an inattentive driver hitting me in the ribcage with a Lincoln Navigator.  But a scooter could be used to putter safely around my neighborhood.

I could see myself on a motor scooter.  I even priced one once while on a business trip to China.  (They have a few scooters over there in China.  Maybe you’ve heard).  I found one that was very reasonable but figured shipping would be an issue, especially the part where I’d have to inquire about the shipping in Chinese.  I also figured it would be difficult to find replacement parts back home.

Mark:  Hi.  I need an oil filter and a spark plug for this scooter.
Scooter repair guy:  What brand is it?
Mark:  Um.  China brand.

So I was eyeballing the scooter at the gas station and thinking about my birthday.  Then a cute teenage girl came out of the store and walked toward the scooter.  She was wearing extremely pink, extremely tight pants and carrying a Coke.  Suddenly I felt very old to be riding a scooter.  My window of opportunity had closed for any kind of dignified scooting.  Alas.

I finished filling my gas tank and started to climb back into my car.  Much to my surprise, the teenage girl had continued past the scooter and was now walking down the street.  Perched atop the scooter instead was a gray-haired lady who had to be approaching sixty.

I should have thanked her for the spring she put back in my step.