the ark of mark

I’ve been out of college for almost 17 years now.  About halfway through that time period I made a dramatic career change.  I moved from a Fortune 500 employer to a completely different Fortune 500 employer.  The buildings are almost three miles away from each other, so as you can imagine this caused a major disruption in my life.

Not really.  But it was a pretty big change compared to something smaller like, say, changing managers.  I swap managers like Topps baseball cards.

Today I experienced a change pretty high on the relative career change scale.  I got a new office.

Now this wasn’t one of those “movin’ on up” Jeffersons-esque moments where I got a big corner office wrapped in windows.  Basically I moved from a small windowless square with a door on the left to an eerily similar windowless square with a door on the right.  And when I say “eerily similar” I mean exactly the same except for the door.  I am on a different floor because that’s where my new department is located.

My old office arrangement (i.e. where I put the desk) could be described as a masterpiece of engineering efficiency.  Thus, with the new opposite door I simply laid out my new digs as a mirror image of the old digs.

This may have been a mistake.

When I need a Kleenex I reach to the left, but the Kleenex box is now on the right.  When I need the phone I reach to the right but it is now on the left.  I feel like I’m in an episode of The Twilight Zone (or at least how I imagine The Twilight Zone considering that I have never watched it).  I should also mention that the “Twilight Zone” would be an excellent nickname for a defensive scheme in college basketball (somebody page Dick Vitale).

This afternoon in my slightly discombobulated state I made a trip to the new restroom.  I probably should have gone back downstairs where I am still combobulated.  The first thing I noticed in the restroom was a head of shiny, long, brunette hair.  Before I could fully freak out about being in the women’s room, I realized I was actually looking at a man who normally wears his long hair in a pony tail (which apparently hides the remarkably healthy sheen I hadn’t noticed until today).

Still somewhat shaken, on the way back to my office I walked right past the hallway where my new office is and went to the hallway where my old office would be if had magically risen one floor.  Apparently my body is now calibrated to walk a specific number of steps after exiting the bathroom.

I hope to be better oriented by the end of the week.  Or at least to stop answering the Kleenex box.