Laura purchased a shirt that included a tag with the following message:
The occasional slubs and gentle shadings in this fabric should not be regarded as defects. They are characteristic of the fine yarns which give this fabric its beauty and dramatic texture.
I absolutely love this tag. First of all, I love this tag because it is the only tag that has inspired me to visit www.dictionary.com.
slub (n): A soft thick nub in yarn that is either an imperfection or purposely set for a desired effect.
I intend to start working “slub” into as many casual conversations as I can. Consider the following possible scene from a business meeting:
CO-WORKER: Hey. How are you?
MARK: Well, I’m just not sure.
CO-WORKER: Why? What’s wrong?
MARK (thoughtfully rubbing shoulder): I think I may be developing a slub.
CO-WORKER:
The main reason I love this tag is its attitude. The tag is basically saying:
If you think something is wrong with this shirt it’s only because it was made with QUALITY materials and you’re too UNREFINED to know the difference between a flaw and a feature. You will wear this shirt and like it or we will come to your house and forcibly transfer it to somebody with sufficient class to appreciate it.
One wonders how many meek shirt-owners are self-consciously wearing slub-riddled clothing because this tag has intimidated them into accepting a shirt with real problems. The tag has inspired me to consider using the following statement as a footnote to all my blog entries:
The occasional factual or grammatical mistakes in this blog should not be regarded as shortcomings on the part of the author. They are characteristic of the purposeful homespun tone the author takes and are what gives the blog its beauty and dramatic texture. Just as you cannot understand why Andy Warhol’s painting of a Campbell’s soup can is so great, you are similarly incapable of comprehending the many levels of genius displayed in this work. If anything contained herein sounds stupid it reflects poorly on you alone.